I do not normally have any issues with talking about life with a stoma, I can talk about this and my experiences of life with Crohn’s Disease until I am out of oxygen! However, when it comes to talking about self-love this is very different. This is a subject that has been tough for me, and was tough for many years.
When we talk about self-love I believe we can strip this back a little further and look at self-worth, because if you have little self-worth you can be fairly sure you will not have much self-love, and I haven’t even thrown my stoma into the mix yet!
When I type these blogs I never have an agenda or script in mind, I do not give them any real planning. I just turn the laptop on and start thinking and typing. This is bringing back real emotion and memories, and a lot of these memories are not pleasant. As I mentioned earlier this is a tough subject. For years, and I mean many years, I did not have much self-worth or confidence, so I absolutely had no self-love. I did not see myself as someone that could achieve great things due to my lack of confidence and self-worth. I was made to feel like I was a failure by people around me at those times, I was made to feel like I was a let down to myself and others. People that I no longer have in my life used to make comments about my appearance, they would always tell me I was skinny and looked unwell. Well the fact of the matter was, I was unwell, I had undiagnosed Crohn’s Disease. I went through a long period where I would not even look at myself in the mirror, so you can imagine what my self-worth and self-love was like back then!
Once I left school and entered full time work I had some good jobs and some not so good jobs, but I always prided myself on being a worker, and I worked hard in every job I had. That feeling of being a hard worker started to give me some belief that I could achieve.
It took me until I was in my early thirties where I found a job that gave me purpose and belief in myself, that was when I joined the police. By this stage I was a husband and a father to two great kids (well my daughter was only 3 weeks old when I joined the police), yet I still had this niggling doubt that I was not good enough. But being in the police I saw my confidence grow, I was starting to see what I was capable of, I was seeing what a difference I could make to other people’s lives and what making a difference to their lives made to mine. I was buzzing, I was flying and I was loving all aspects of my life, and I was now starting to have self-worth, I was really starting to believe in myself! It felt great!
Then with the good came the bad, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease and the disease was pretty much out of control. I was very ill for a long time and my career suffered; I suffered, my mental health suffered, my self-worth was disappearing again. I had surgery after surgery, my quality of life was dreadful, I had different medication after different medication. This all went on for about 8 years. I certainly went through the ‘why me?’ stage many times.
Then one day I said to my surgeon to give me a Barbie butt and a colostomy, I just could not take anymore. I wanted a colostomy. I was kind of giving myself a last chance or attempt at one last thing that might change my health for the better. Wow, what a difference it made to me, I will keep it short as I have wrote a lot already. I got me back, I got my life back. I know I have mentioned that phrase in other blogs, however it is important to me.
I never look at my stoma as anything else other than a life saver, I have never been embarrassed by it, I do not care of people see the bag. I owe a lot to my stoma, and of course the amazing support from my wife, friends, and certain family members. My career got back on track and I started achieving again. This, in turn, increased my self-worth and I finally started to accept who I was. I look back at that journey and I am proud of myself. I look at myself in the mirror and I am proud of myself. I started to love me and who I had become. My stoma made me stronger. There is nothing I would not do with a stoma, I want to jump out of an airplane and do a freefall. There is nothing we cannot achieve with a stoma. This is where my self-love has come from.
We sometimes have to be a bit selfish and take time out for ourselves. You can do anything you want, so go and do those things, go and do the things you used to do before having a stoma. For example, if you used to like swimming go and do it! Go to a swimming pool and jump in from the highest diving board at the same time tell yourself “I LOVE ME AND WHAT I CAN ACHIEVE.” Do things that make you feel refreshed and alive again, it really helps. At the same time your confidence will grow and you will get even more daring with what you want to do next. The more you do things for you the more self-love you will have. There is no such thing as a perfect body, I hated mine long before I had a stoma. But I think my body is alright now. You have done the hard part by recovering from the surgery, now enjoy yourself. I also find helping others a great help which is why I started my YouTube Channel. Sharing my stories and hearing other people’s stories is great. Hearing from people that have changed their lives due to my content is the best feeling.
I love me, I almost love my body, I love what I achieve, I love how I have grown as a person. I have self-worth and-self love. So go and be the same, do things for yourself, start small and grow the confidence and watch what follows, you will love it!
I will leave you with a great quote I heard from TV Personality Nick Knowles: “We cannot help everyone, but everyone can help someone.” If this blog has helped you then that is fantastic. Share it with others if you think it help them.
Take care and get out there!
